evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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