dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
