Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
