i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
