Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
