my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
