I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
