I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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