Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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