That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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