just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
