He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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