When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
