Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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