I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize