I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
