I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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