You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize