I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
