Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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