if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
