I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this is an emotional support booty call
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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