I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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