and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
