The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
