he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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