guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
