Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
