Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
