I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
