i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
