Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
