well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
