oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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