Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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