I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
