my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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