i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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