I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
