a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
