every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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