I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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