I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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