i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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