Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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