Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
