when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
