Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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