franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
