I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
