Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
