At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
