My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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