I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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