you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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