i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
