I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
