someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The best revenge is premature balding
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
