my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
