Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
