every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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