erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
