The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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