OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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