He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize