If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
