it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
